That awesome moment when you're playing Pokemon...
yesthisisdani: Your boyfriend comes over to you takes his dick out, and rubs it across your forehead while saying, “SIIIIIIMMBAAA.”
kleemoney: I seriously cannot picture anyone thinking that anything I do is sexy at all because I have the sex appeal of a wet sock
normal teenagers: has sex, does drugs, parties
parents: don't do it again
me: doesn't do dishes
parents: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL YOU ARE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART
Person: Theatre is stupid
Person: Musicals are gay
Police: So can you tell me what happened?
Me: He ran into my knife.
Me: He ran into my knife ten times.
Ensemble behind you: HE HAD IT COMIN'!
Two churches located across the street from each... →
kovumaniac9217: i’ve never been so proud that im a catholic until this very moment. Way to go Catholicism!
Giving a guy a blowjob: mouth -> penis -> pleasure
Eating out a girl: Okay take the blue wire and overlap it with the yellow wire making sure it doesn't cross the red one. After that take all three of the wires and tie them all in a knot using only your left foot.
everyone else: i'm getting an ipad and a laptop and $300 worth of clothes and...
me: MASTER HAS GIVEN DOBBY A SOCK
Ow, she just jumped into my fist with her teeth!– Amanda, who is now clinging to me and making sad crying noises because the dog apparently bit her fist (via malissawithana)
wethinkwedream: Bob Marley did not sing Don’t Worry, Be Happy. Bobby McFerrin did. Drives me insaneeeee.