caliboorn: she wears short skirts, i wear t-shirts, but not for long because we are currently taking off our clothes surprise we’re lesbians
My BFF Coming out to her 89 Year old Grandmother
BFF: Grandmother I need to talk to you
Grandma: [concerned voice] What? What is it? Are you sick?
BFF: No, no. Grandma. I'm gay.
BFF: I'm gay Grandma. I have a girlfriend now.
Grandma: [relieved voice] Oh honey, is that all? I thought you had cancer. Anytime someone needs to tell me something they are sick. Who's your girlfriend, when is her birthday? I'll bake her a pie.
1-enoch: last night i was absentmindedly toying with something on the kitchen counter while i was on the computer and when i looked down i realized it was a cockroach. i was petting it. i was petting a cockroach and the cockroach was sitting there probably really enjoying it. we had a moment. you know that thing of when two straight guys accidentally do something gay and then they freak out when...
My Grandpa: What I don't get about boobs is. Okay, yeah, they're attractive. Boobs are hot. And women can show off the top of them. 67% of the top of your boob can be visible. And then the bottoms can show too. And the sides are no big deal. In fact, any part of your breast is okay to be seen but your nipple. And nipples are what men and women's breasts have in common.
Me: I'm SAYIN'.